I stumbled upon this little letter I wrote a year ago. I always knew I wanted to write a blog but I just never got around to it. I would draft all these blog posts in google docs just in case I actully did decide to go ahead and finish this blog. This blog post might be a little late but I really think it needs to be shared. So I hope you continue reading.

The year God reminded me of His promises…..

So where it all started was when I watched this sermon on New Years Eve. They were talking about how as a church they all picked a word that God spoke over the new year. Well I thought how cool would that be to have a word over the year. So I took about a week to think of the word I keep for the whole year. Some words that  I was throwing around was purpose, calling, motivation and promise. I was so focused on trying to figure everything out. I came out of a very dark season before this new year. I had a lot of hopes and dreams for what 2018 would bring me. Lots and lots of hopes. Some of which did not come true and some of which I never knew I was hoping for. When I went to finally write down the word for the year on a sticky note to put in my bible I was struggling with two words…..Purpose and Promise.

I wanted purpose because when I first came to Arizona I felt so incredibly lost. I didn’t know where my life was going and nothing I had planned before had come to fruition. I was in a new place with literally nothing but some clothes and my son and some of his things. I was desperate to find my purpose in life and for God to use me. My thought was that if God would give me a purpose that everything in my life would be so much better. That I would feel like I had a reason to keep going. To keep living… Promise came from a song “do it again” by Elevation Worship. It talks about the promise still stands even though you may be in a season of needing mountains to be moved. That God moved them before and He will do it again. For me though it was kinda like an angry jab at God. Like you told me these things and promised me but nothing has come to pass. ( in my eyes anyways lol). So because I didn’t want to choose a word out of anger at God i decided on purpose because I felt it was the best one to choose. So I go to write Purpose on my little post it note. Well in that moment I kinda blanked out and when I finally realized what was written on the post it note I FREAKED out. It read “Promise”. I thought to myself what in the world just happened since I had picked purpose. I was gonna just write purpose on another note but I had this feeling that this is what God wanted for me for 2018. So I stuck that bad boy in my bible and was like okay God I’ll wait for you to fulfill your promises to me. Lol Little did I know is that I was in for the craziest year of challenges and healing and fulfillment of promises. I say fulfillment of promises but not in the material way. 

God showed me who He was in 2018. That He was my provider, comforter, defender, father and sooooooo much more. I was reminded of His goodness that I have forgot for so many years. I was filled with this incredible joy and peace that I cannot explain to anyone. Coming into 2018 I was thinking about what I would do with my life. Thinking that I had messed it all up and that God couldn’t use me anymore. I felt so much shame because of my past. I thought there’s no way that the promises and desires that God had placed in my heart when I was a little girl could ever be given to me. I messed up my end of the deal and I thought that that was that. But the thing with God is He never takes back His promises. He knew what I would go through and the things I would do and had already forgiven me for them because of Jesus. No word from God’s mouth comes back void. I know that for a fact after this year. God took away my shame and Jesus washed my slate clean with His blood. I forgot that God’s promises was so much more than just having this “good” life. It’s about God’s character and how much He loves us. There’s so many promises in the bible that God says is ours if we believe in Him and trust Him. 

Jan 30, 2018 I was baptised. My old self died and I was made a new creation in Christ.  I also got back into painting. I started selling my artwork. I then started serving in the church and joined the women's leadership team through the mom’s bible study. Later I was asked to lead worship for my bible study which is another story in itself to talk about God’s pursuit of you and fulfillment of prayers. Also this year I began working for the church for the event childcare ministry. When I look back at 2018 and think of the word promise I realize that God really did keep His promises. Even when I was going through it. He still was keeping His promise to me when I first accepted Jesus into my heart as a little girl. I was the one that forgot to trust Him and seek Him. I became blind to His handiwork in my life. I became deaf to His still voice. My life doesn’t look that different on the outside but in my heart and mind it’s been transformed. Now with tears running down my face I wish you all and amazing New Year. I pray that your relationship with God deepens, that you see yourself the way Jesus sees you. Worthy of dying for so you can be forgiven for your sins and spend eternity with our Heavenly father. Also for those of you who may not believe in Jesus. I pray that one day you will know Him as I do and get to experience true joy and peace beyond all understanding. 

Much love,

Kiana